\documentclass[]{report}
\newcommand{\kbreak}{\vspace{0.15in}}

\begin{document}

\title{Cookies for Fitz}
\author{Lefty Burgess and Karl Fogel, editors}
\date{December 28, 1999}
\maketitle

\newpage

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
Craig: "People have to remember that the free software community
        has just one goal..."
Brad: "...working software."
Craig: "Right."
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
Lefty: "That's the other cool thing about Unix: it seems to foster
multiple personality syndrome."
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
From: Craig Brozefsky <craig@onshore.com>
Newsgroups: gnu.misc.discuss
Subject: Re: Linux - Going in the wrong direction?
Date: 23 Jun 1998 22:03:48 -0500

jstok@boguss-address.apana.org.au (Jason Stokes) writes:

> Writing free software is fundamentally an *altruistic act*.  There is
> little room for altruistic acts in capitalism.

Then sounds like we better scrap this capitalism thing if it has such
poor out-of-the-box support for altruism.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
Lefty: "Whenever I work with Windows NT, I feel like the victims in
the Aliens movies."
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
You see, I'd sell my car in a minute if I thought I could get along
without it.  Of course, I can't, and now I know that.  So I will get
its air-conditioning fixed (the latest breakdown), and continue to
pour unpredicable, exorbitant amounts of money into it from time to
unexpected time, because the Powers That Be have decided to subsidize
2.5 tons of moving metal per citizen instead of a decent public
transportation system like those in virtually every other civilized
city outside the US.  All power to the layers of hot black dead
asphalt covering half the surface area of our most densely-populated
regions.  

-Karl Fogel
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"There's a listening device in the rose."  --Lefty
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Those are the two blessings every con man hopes for: shifty thoughts
and an honest face.
	-- Roland McGrath
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
So it is best to state the facts and just the facts, in the simplest
way possible, in simple sentences, at the beginning of the message.
Then start a new paragraph and give explanations, hopes, fears,
guesses, etc.                                                    --rms
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"Nothing says `I love you' like an antimicrobial mop head."

                        --Raul Silva
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

``hey!  where's my pen!  somebody innovated my pen!''
		-- Matt Braithwaite
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Scenario: Fitz and Karl wade through the source for netatalk.

Fitz:	I don't know what it is about directly manipulating memory that
	bothers me.

Karl:	I know what it is--you're guaranteed to lose!
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

"Somehow, the idea of doing something because it's good is rather
passe.  You can do things because they make money, but you're not
allowed to put quality above profitability --- that's egotistical,
because you're putting your definition of quality above the market's."

   --Jim Blandy, noticing that his principles are going out of fashion
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"Stop me before I code again!"      --Dave Newcorn
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"I don't want to have huge lists of nouns/verbs. I don't want to
encode knowledge of the language into it.  That way lies
intellectually corrupt AI projects which I'll not taunt by naming
here."


       -- Jamie Zawinski, http://www.jwz.org/dadadodo
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
Welcome to the Infinitely Sucky Universe.

You probably thought you were living in a regular universe, or perhaps
even the Best of All Possible Worlds.  But you're not in either of
those places.  Trust me, I know.

No, you're living in the Infinitely Sucky Universe.  In the Infinitely
Sucky Universe, Karl has forgotten to bring his bathing suit to work,
and also has not got his gym shorts or shoes or anything like that.
As part of the Fabric of Infinite Suckitude, Karl is essentially
helpless to do anything useful or winning.  Instead, he is doomed to
be more or less unprepared, and feel kind of blah and a little tired
anyway, and to drag all his friends down with him.

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
Forget about trying to get any quantifiable data, we're just shooting
for qualitative measurements, like "It didnt crash", "It was blazing
dewd", or "Get the fire extinguisher."

			- Craig Brozefsky on testing the new Oracle 8
			  for Linux

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
Fitz and I [kfogel] were just speculating about what various programming
languages sound like when you drop them.

   Fortran       crunch

   Perl          *thud* +bounce+ ~quiver~ (fading into silence)

   C++           loud and messy, like if you took everything in a
                 junkyard, connected it all together with cable, and
                 dropped the whole mess from a cliff.

   Lisp/Scheme   same sound as dropping a slinky

   Java          no sound


\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
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\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
NOTE: please do not think for a moment that I am comparing the tiny
lump of overscheduledness that is my life with the endless encircling
continuum of hellish indentured servitude that is yours right now.

-kfogel to sussman

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"I don't know what scenario you are talking about now.
So I cannot be sure whether I would agree or disagree
with what you mean to say about it.  I suggest that if you
want to write something and have me be able to follow it,
you should start by stating clearly the scenario, and then
write in a more plodding and clear fashion."

         --Richard Stallman, in a mailing list discussion
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"I haven't used it in a while, but Sausage Software used to have a product
called `Hot Dog' that was good."

            --Eric Dodson
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Fitz:	If you search for the word bug on all of www.microsoft.com,
	all you find is 47 pages.

Lefty:	Are those referring to actual insects?
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

"Friends don't let friends use NT..."
                                      --Matt Braithwaite <matt@braithwaite.net>
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

It makes me realise just how differently I interpret words coming from
Stallman compared to words coming from almost anyone else.  With other
people, I look for the hidden message, the emotional clue, the
revealing turn of phrase... With Stallman, I just take exactly what he
said, as though it were source code, head-compile it according to the
most literal rules of English, with -Wall turned on, and then mentally
run the resulting executable.  The output can be relied on to be his
actual meaning, however unexpected.

		-Karl Fogel, on understanding RMS.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}


Although he learned Italian first, Joe, now 24, speaks English without an
accent, and is otherwise well adapted to most U.S. mores. Instead of olive
oil or smelly bear grease he keeps his hair slick with water. He never
reeks of garlic and prefers chicken chow mein to spaghetti.

      -- Life Magazine, in a 1939 article praising Joe DiMaggio


Although his first computer was a Macintosh, Fitz, now 28, uses Linux
without getting confused about all those mouse buttons. Instead of
cluttering his desktop with broken aliases to files on an inaccessible
AppleTalk network, he keeps his workspace clean with dock apps a-plenty.
He never uses his Maltron in QWERTY mode and now prefers grep to Sherlock.

      -- Josh Davison, in a 1999 email praising Brian Fitzpatrick
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Subject: Unscheduled downtime for sanpietro this evening


Scene: sanpietro.red-bean.com fulfilling a secondary role as a monitor
stand for another workstation.

Craig:	Hey Fitz, you mind if I move sanpietro over about 4 inches to
	the left so the monitor is centered with my keyboard

Fitz:	Sure, let me make sure that the cables don't come out

Craig:	Karl, what do you think?

Karl:	I don't see why not.

Fitz:	OK. Ready when you are.
	Action: Fitz grasps the SCSI cable going to the tape drive

Karl:	Yeah looks fine to me

Craig:	Action: Craig moves sanpietro 4 inches to the left

SYSTEM CRASH (Sanpietro's power cable falls out)


Moral of the story: Too many cooks really does spoil the soup
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

	Do you know what a chastity belt is? 

	It's a Virgin Control System


		-Josh Davison, 
		 recipient of the worst pun of the year award

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}


SGI has changed their name from "Silicon Graphics Inc." to:

	Servers, Supercomputers, and Graphic Workstations 
	     that enable breakthrough Insights 


I've got a breakthrough Insight:

	Naming your company after a string of 
	industry buzzwords is retarded.

			-Josh Davison
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

I'm gonna take the money I got saved up, buy a panel van and some
premier Drywall hanging tool and go be a sheetrock monkey.

		 - Craig Brozefsky, in a fit of disgust while
		   coding with Apple's Enterprise Object Framework.
			
		  


\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

      "Hello, hello, obarrayter?"
      "This is the obarrayter."
      "Could you please call an internist?"
      "What's the problem, sir?"
      "Oh, just some bad hash.  But I'd like to consult a professional
       just to be safe."
      "I understand, sir."
      ...dum dee dum...
      'Tis a gift to be symbol
      'tis a gift to be freed...
                -- Karl Fogel, from a comment in zenirc.el

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Conversation between Lefty and Greg, neither of whom are left handed.

	Lefty: So are you playing Quake tonight?
	Greg:  No.  My wrist really hurts.
	Lefty: Uh-huh.
	Greg:  Oh shut up.  It's my left wrist.
	Lefty: I don't know, you could be cross-training for all I know.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Excerpt of conversation regarding flat-screen 3D monitor technology:

	Lefty:  ...so really, I don't think you need any special
		technology to do this 3D stuff.  All you need is 
		to scan a stereoscopic image on the screen.  Then 
		your eyes will switch focal points, like with those
		posters.
	Greg:	That won't work.  It would be too difficult to
		maintain focus.
	Lefty:	No.  It would not be like the posters where your eyes
		have to struggle to keep focus between the
		stereoscopic image and pattern.  There would just be a 
		stereoscopic image and you would learn how to adjust
		your focal point very quickly.
	Greg:	Yes, but some people just can't do it.
	JK:	You guys talking about that "magic eye" shit?
	Lefty:	Yeah.
	JK:	That's a fraud.

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"Oh Mom, not Kellog's Hate Flakes *again*!"

            -- Brian Fitzpatrick
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Said by Karl to Craig after Craig debugged
a particularly hairy ObjC problem:

     If you rock any harder, my ankles will explode.

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"As it turns out, this shit works and is really full-featured, even
though it's proprietary crap."

                      -- Lefty Burgess, on Apple's WebObjects
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"When the only tool you have is XML, everything looks like a non-cyclic graph."

                                     -- Craig Brozefsky
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"The one thing that pisses me off more than anything in the world
is... cords."

                               --Lefty Burgess
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"Lefty should come with a parental advisory label."

               --Fitz
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Conversation about WebObjects and Foundation Class documentation

Lefty:  Long ago, I used to think to myself, "I don't really prefer to 
	use Apple myself, but at least they tend to do things right".

Karl:	And now?

Lefty:  Now, I know better.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"We're under attack!  Break out the Compacto-Man!"

                          --Lefty Burgess
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Excerpt from IRC conversation (ultrav refers to a Quake deathmatch map):

	<misleb> I know every brick intimately in ultrav
	<lefty> you should, matt
	<lefty> you have been used as mortar for every one

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"I'm going to name my car Handbasket, so if I ever go to a place named
 Hell, I can say I'm going to Hell in a Handbasket."

                -- Lefty Burgess, already well on his way
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

James Gosling did not design this language, but he might have... and
we should kill him for it.

   - Karl Fogel, after spending 1.5 hours hunting down a memory
     allocation bug in Objective C
        
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

   The most abused alias is 'everybody@onShore.com'.  This alias will 
send e-mail to every single person at onShore currently employed plus 
some.  Approximately 43 people.  The purpose of the alias is to send 
informational notices that everybody should read, such as, "Put the 
damn toilet seat down when your done with it" or "I'm on vacation next 
week so abuse so-and-so instead" or "I just got my plants neutered and 
there's a picture of me in the newspaper!" 

				-- Greg Gallagher, SysAdmin
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"I like how you're talking to Karl, looking at him, and still killing
people."
                 -- JK to Fitz, as Fitz plays Quake3
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Scenario: May 19th, 1999. Greg Gallagher has taken a much deserved day
off from his systems administrator duties to relax and see Star
Wars. Greg accidentally pops up on irc, and the following conversation
ensues:


Greg:  /clear

Greg: damn.

Josh: Greg will you make me a home directory on relleno and cafe and
      pollo and then change all my file permissions so anybody can write to
      them unless they are in the "users" group in which case they only have
      read access but can't execute? By noon?

JK:   Greg help me set up 5 new machines for servers of various
      stuff. I need IPs email and login accounts

Josh: Greg i need dialup

jesse:Greg, can you set up my Vax for me?

[info] josh stopped wasting time: Local kill by gbg (die)
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

"When it comes to apathy, nobody can beat me."
			-Lefty
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
  "I don't know how I ever programmed without it.  It would be like
   parachuting without a parachute."

                    -- Brian Fitzpatrick on CVS
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"All my bookmarks got accidentally erased, and it's the best thing
 that ever happened to me."

                                  -- Jim Blandy
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

craig:  Where is fitz?

kfogel: He had to run home to turn off his coffeepot.

craig:  Woah. Did it page him?
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

onShore developer snack food discussion snippet

	Lefty:  Fruit Roll-Ups "Peel'N Build"?  What the hell does
		that mean?
	JK:	I hope it's a lot simpler than iCat.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Of course it works... it's emacs.

ben:   Is it worth building an emacs on test.packworld.com?
       I've got a shitload of editing to do

fitz:  well, I'd suggest angeftp.

ben:   how does angeftp work?

fitz:  just C-x C-f then type
       bwf@aserver.onshore.com:~/afile.txt
       and boom! you're in.

ben:   SWEET

fitz:  you can even do remote dired

ben:   nice! saving is transparent ftp put?
       I'm gonna give it a try, hold on.
       Hmmm, doesn't work. When I try C-x,c-f with the syntax above

craig: ben:  /ben@blah.com:.emacs
       gotta have the leading slash and the :

ben:   ahhhh
       YES!  IT WORKS!

craig: of course it works, it's emacs

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

The Brozefsky Uncertainty Principle

  Software written by Craig Brozefsky will be portable to the extent
  of running under his login account, on the same machine where he
  wrote and tested it, in exactly the same shell environment, and with
  the same other processes running.  But even then only when Craig
  himself personally executes it.

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"I've had it with installing the known universe every two minutes."
                               -- Brian Fitzpatrick

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

GTK stands for GIMP ToolKit.
GIMP stands for GNU Image Manipulation Program.
GNU stands for GNU's Not Unix.
(Unix being just a joke anyway.)

Ergo, GTK stands for "GNU's Not Unix Image Manipulation Program
ToolKit". 

No wonder people not involved with free software are confused.

                                            --Lefty
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Oh damn! We forgot to fill them all with red fluid!

   -Karl Fogel
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Man, it must suck to have a brain that small.

     -Karl on the phone with Lefty. Subject Unknown.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"It's hard to code and type stupid crap in IRC at the same time."

   -- Fitz, encountering the Fundamental Theorem of Productivity,
          apparently for the first time

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Karl: Did you know that you can actually still read data off a disk
      even after eleven overwrites?

Lefty: *Eleven* overwrites? Wow--it's almost like the data has a soul.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"So many tasteless things I could say... I'm gonna short-circuit!"

                 -Fitz
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Oh look! A $15.00 rebate for Redhat Linux. 
Just what I wanted--a rebate for Free Software.

-Lefty, in response to a banner ad on slashdot.org
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

[action] fitz tests the file upload of the LOIS Wep application by uploading emacs

<fitz> Jul 12 17:34:42 LockboxOnline[14572] -[ExceptionUpload submitted] 
       User submitted file name 'emacs-20.3'.

<fitz> Jul 12 17:34:42 LockboxOnline[14572] -[ExceptionUpload submitted]
       1 lines were malformed, 0 were not found

<jesse> It should have responded, "Mommy!"

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

"Dewd, like I have this obscure lisp derivative that is used to build 
AIs for outer space probes, I think we shuld use it in our next CGI
project."
					- Craig
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

When your keyboard gets stuck on irc:

<craig> well dewd, we should do it in Lisp, cause if we go ACLL, 
        I'LL BE LIVING RIGHT DOWN THE STREET FROM THEIR HEADQUARTERS
<craig> DOH
<craig> CAPSLOCK IS STUCKDDDDDDDD
<craig> JK
<craig> L
<craig> ARGH
<craig> THATS IT  FUCK THIS SHIT

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Ron Plonis on the LOIS image_server:

   It whipped through that thing--like a fat hungry cat eatin'
   tuna. Wow. This thing's fast when it works!
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

What did we all do, M-x pathetic this morning or what?

     -Karl, observing the rampant apathy in devel concerning lunch
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

You've got a bright future as a Rent-A-Hate.

       -Karl, to Fitz
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"I like the way I feel after writing Lisp."

                    -- Brian Fitzpatrick
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Sarcasm is the vomit of all angry poets

               - Lefty
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Fitz:  But Chicago is so much more neighborhoody than New York.

Lefty: Sure--in Chicago, people say 'Hello' before they shoot you.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Karl pulls rank.  Rank pushes back, Karl falls over.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

"You can fuck some shit up, but it really takes FrontPage to create a
technicolor abortion."

			- Fitz, talking about the god-aweful HTML
			  that Microsoft FrontPage produces

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Apparently 'submit form' means 'exit program' in Netscape speak.

                    -John Krug
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
Fitz: "Let's all stand around and talk about how much we're underpaid.
    I'll bet JK is the most underpaid of all of us."

JK: "You guys are paid??"
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

There are just too many people. Where is a plague when you need it? I
want one that only affects office workers in large corporations. Like
a slow acting Legionnaire's disease that can only survive in heavy
industrial AC systems and is activated by exposure to large amount of
copier fluid and the flame-retardent foam in cubicle partitions

                                     --Craig Brozefsky
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"You gotta love a cereal so hard-core that they don't even put it in a
 bag in the box."
                          -- Lefty on Grape-Nuts

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Fitz:  Hey Lefty, what are you eating?

Lefty: A pepper.

Fitz:  <puzzled look>

Lefty: A bell pepper.

Fitz:  Raw??

Lefty: Sure. It's just like eating a salad except that it's just, you
       know, one.


\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

   "The real patch needs to be applied to the users."
      -- Karl, placing the blame for CVS shortcomings
         where it belongs.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

The Players:
	Karl, mild mannered witty programmer
	Lefty, vitrious visceral violent hacker

Karl: Oh look, I've got a portable extensible long-range bother.

[Karl blows through a piece of conduit onto the back of Lefty's neck.]

Lefty: Oh look, I've got a short range FIST!

[Lefty turns around, shakes fist menacingly at Karl.]

Karl: Oh, I forgot Cardinal Rule of onShore.  
Lefty: What's that?
Karl: Lefty can always get more upset than you.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
Fitz: "I think it's funnier when I'm being funny and you're not."
Karl: [silence]
Fitz: "Don't you DARE cookie that!"
Karl: [the sound of typing]
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

A discussion on irc about how arcane the menuing system of the Gimp is:

Fitz:  the UI of gimp seems very non-obvious to me.
       It's the emacs of image editing proggies.

Craig: I'm so wired for emacs I cannot understand that statement
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}


"Looks like a duck, quacks like a Duracell? Must be a pimple."

			- Karl Fogel, in the midst of a
			  malleable context conversation	
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

It's days like to today, when I have to ride my bike uphill and in the 
the wind just to get to work (and I'm not speaking figuratively) that 
I know that God has chosen today to express his ire at my disbelief in 
him.
					- Lefty
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Fitz: So how long does it take to do an Oracle backup?

Ron:  8 minutes. So we're 23:52x7.

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"I think your new weapon is actually your ineptitude with your new
weapon."
               --Lefty Burgess, on seeing Karl lose control of a cork
                 held in a binder clip spinning a chopstick.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

I want a digital camera that takes ascii pictures.

                        -Jesse
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
 "...and the exception just floats immediately to the top, because, 
  I mean, what am *I* gonna do with it? I'm a framework!"

                --Fitz, in a moment of extremely close identification
                  with his code.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}


        Wednesday is code spaghetti day at onShore.
        
                                        -JK
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Dave: Why the hell do you have to reboot NT all the time?

Fitz: There's a very good reason for that. The NT Microkernel is so
      advanced and highly developed that there are whole parts of your
      processor that are not used while NT is running. Now if you do a
      lot of complex computing (like, say, running Outlook and Word at
      the same time), these registers get filled with all the nibbles
      and leftover bits that tend to get stuck on sharp edges on their
      way through the processor. Rebooting simply flushes them out and
      'washes' your processor clean.

Ron:  I think you're wrong on the NT situation.  I'm pretty sure that
      NT, once booted, doesn't use the processor at all.  At least,
      its reliability is indicative of that.

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

A discussion about Stalin, a scheme compiler on irc:

Oh, but c'mon, [Stalin's got] a 13MB .c file--404336 lines!  You gotta
love that baby--it's kinda like inviting gcc to a pie eating contest.

                                -Adam DiCarlo
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Excerpted from "My love affair with FreeBSD:

I managed finally to lock it up while messing around with a loadable
commercial sound driver and RealPlayer 5 running in Linux emulation.
On reboot, fsck told me that a mail message from 1994 in one of my MH
folders had been turned into a socket!  Hmm, I've heard of bit rot
... but it had a nonzero size, so I fired up fsdb and turned it back
into a file again.

I love Unix.  Remind me to upgrade again in a decade or so.  We must
find the person who is responsible for new object file formats and
kill him.

                                -Matt Braithwaite
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Q: Is the glass half empty or half full?  

A: Hard to tell when it's shoved up your ass.

	- Jim Brucker, answering a "get to know your friends" chain email
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Excerpted from Coriolis publishing Company's web page on their new CVS
book by Karl Fogel:

       "Foreword by Jim Blandy, an industry leader in open source."

Jim's response when Fitz pointed this out to him.

      "Goodness.  I don't have any memory of writing a forward for it."

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Virtually everyting we do, particularly in business but also in other
aspects of our lives, is measured, explained, and often guided by
numbers.  While ORACLE cannot correct our obsession with numbers and
the illusion of control they often give us, it will facilitate capable 
and thorough analysis of the information in a database.

		-- ORACLE8: The Complete Reference, 
		   Chapter 7: Playing the Numbers, page 174
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
   "I wish my mouth and my tongue and my lips could keep up with 
    the music I think I have in my head."      --Lefty

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

A morning irc session:

fitz:  very quiet this morning.
fitz:  WAKE UP EVERYBODY!!!
...
jesse: Hm, Violeta woke me up this morning by dangling a strip of
       (cooked) bacon in front of my nose.
fitz:  what a wake up call.
jesse: Better than the time my cat took a shit in front of my nose 
       to tell me he was tired of being locked in the bedroom.
jesse: Man, that woke me up alright.
fitz:  yeesh. sounds brutal.
lefty: note to self, don't lock cats in bedroom

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Rob:    YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH BARI.

Josh:   DAMN STRAIGHT!  The sandwich equivalent to a spike-heel
        wearing dominatrix giving you a relaxing back massage with a
        cat-o-nine-tails.  Hurts so good.


\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Startups, startups, startups -- I should get .com tatooed on my ass.

                                -Mike Welles, on irc

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

bianal: bi-an-al: 1. having two assholes. i.e. the state you are in
after someone tears you a new one.

                        -Craig Brozefsky
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"That's because I have a really, really low tolerance for EVERYTHING."

                                        --Lefty

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Whenever I get *really* fucked, I always ask myself, 'If it were *me*
fucking me, how would I do it better?' 

			-- Karl Fogel, reacting to a practical joke.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

She has half the world wide web saved in her home directory, just in
case it goes down.

                -Karl
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

     "You can learn a lot about death and destruction
      on the History Channel."
                                   --Lefty Burgess

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

A mail to office@onshore, cc'ed to devel:

I found a roach in my office this morning. This is perhaps the largest
roach that I have ever seen outside of New Orleans (where the roaches
are so large that they have their own postal addresses). Sam (that's
the roach's name) is in a plastic bag pinned to the vinyl siding in
the walkway to my office, so the pest control person can take it home
and train it to do tricks or something. Would you mind giving them a
ring so they can come out and hunt down Sam's relatives? Might I
suggest that they bring some large bore rifles and handcuffs as I
imagine that these roaches aren't going to go without a fight.

Devel upstairs crew: I cc'ed you so that you will be aware of our
roommates and ask that you take extra precautions with food. I of
course am probably the most guilty what with the chips and salsa and
whatnot that I bring up here, but please be careful with leaving open
food and drinks around. I'd prefer not to become known as "Caterer to
the Insect World."

-Fitz

PS. No, Lefty, you cannot keep it.

PPS. No, not even if you put it on a leash.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
        "I would say 90% of Perl is an afterthought."

                            --Lefty Burgess
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"Hmm.  That tastes exactly the way I didn't want it to taste."

                         --Lefty, biting into a nectarine.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\newpage

\begin{center}
\vspace{2in}
{\huge\em rbcookie}
\end{center}

\newpage

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Kathleen picks up the phone and starts to dial...


Kathleen: "All ports busy"... What the hell does that mean?

Donna:    It means we bought another cheap phone system.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Kelly Fitz pulled a grandiose stunt:
Vowed a homer, delivered a bunt.
She makes plans she can't keep,
Screws devel like a sheep,
Every day she is more of a ^H^H^H^Hnuisance.

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
"I was looking at the name of the girl you're writing to and
wondering, is that a girlfriend or an appetizer?"

       -- Lefty, watching Karl send mail to Siu Yuin Pang.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
Lefty: "God he's a tenacious little fucker, isn't he?"
Karl:  "Well, he didn't get where he is by being a pushover."

        -Lefty and Karl discussing a client (known only as "R.P.") who
         is placed rather highly in his organization, and who probably
         climbed over dead bodies to get there.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Fitz writes:

        Rich, my perspective boss, is pushing to get all the paperwork done...
                 ^^^^^^^^^^^
Karl responds: 

        That's "prospective".
        Some other alternatives are: 
           "soon-to-be", "possible future", "imminent", and "fuckwad"
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
Lefty:

   "Yet another case where using `strict' in Perl can fuck you."

Lefty, a few moments later:

   "Thank you, Perl, for fucking me."

\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but I sure hope you do.

        -Karl to Fitz, regarding Fitz's departure from onShore.
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

>>>> Rob wrote:
>>>> This machine is cool.  only $1300.
>>>> http://www.gateway.com/prod/sb_ms100_prodinfo.shtml

>>> Nick replied:
>>> hey, thats a Cobalt cube, isn't it?  did Gateway buy them?

>> Fitz replied:
>> It's an alliance between Gateway and Cobalt.

> Stel replied:
> i think this kind of thing is very cool though support for small
> companies that want to roll together all these services would be a
> hassle as we know. still it annoys me they go risc when linux on intel
> is so mature. i think we need to announce an offering like this. don't
> you all?


FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! 

WE ARE NOT A HARDWARE MANUFACTURER! GEEZUS, CAN'T WE FIND ONE THING TO
DO AND CONCENTRATE ON DOING IT WELL?!?!?! IS THIS A COMPANY OR AN ARTS
AND CRAFTS FAIR? THERE ARE GOLDFISH THAT HAVE LONGER ATTENTION SPANS
THAN THIS COMPANY!
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}
B. W. Fitzpatrick writes:
> > 
> > >>>> Rob wrote:
> > >>>> This machine is cool.  only $1300.
> > >>>> http://www.gateway.com/prod/sb_ms100_prodinfo.shtml
> > 
> > >>> Nick replied:
> > >>> hey, thats a Cobalt cube, isn't it?  did Gateway buy them?
> > 
> > >> Fitz replied:
> > >> It's an alliance between Gateway and Cobalt.
> > 
> > > Stel replied:
> > > i think this kind of thing is very cool though support for small
> > > companies that want to roll together all these services would be a
> > > hassle as we know. still it annoys me they go risc when linux on intel
> > > is so mature. i think we need to announce an offering like this. don't
> > > you all?
> > 
> > 
> > FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS!
> > 
> > WE ARE NOT A HARDWARE MANUFACTURER! GEEZUS, CAN'T WE FIND ONE THING TO
> > DO AND CONCENTRATE ON DOING IT WELL?!?!?! IS THIS A COMPANY OR AN ARTS
> > AND CRAFTS FAIR? THERE ARE GOLDFISH THAT HAVE LONGER ATTENTION SPANS
> > THAN THIS COMPANY!
>
>
>Introducing the onShore Dodecahedron!
>
>The onShore Dodecahedron Server is an exciting concept providing
>shared Internet services to small businesses, branch offices,
>government agencies or educational institutions.  Its odd shape makes
>it look really cool, but actually makes stacking and storage
>difficult.  The mutifaceted geometry is meant to represent onShore's
>multifaceted support and service skills as well as the multitasking
>capabilities of the Dodecahedron, but really it is the manifestation
>of acute managerial schizophrenia.  Cheap hardware and labyrinthine
>physical configurations make this box hard to run and even harder to
>maintain.  The choice to run with an onShore Dodecahedron Server is a
>no-brainer for the business that wants to go no-where!

Oh, guys, you're all so down on onShore.  I still say there's nothing
wrong with this company that a good all-company staff meeting
^H^H^H^H^H^H a good outside consultant ^H^H^H^H^H a major change in
the fundamental attitude and structure of management ^H^H^H^H^H a
class-action lawsuit by an angry coalition of employees and clients
^H^H^H^H^H a violently exploding gas main on Noble ^H^H^H^H^H
simultaneous direct nuclear strikes (multi-warhead) in Chicago and New
York, followed up by fine-grained conventional bombing runs and then
an occupying army couldn't fix!
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

Speaking of acid trips, I had this really shitty 8 hour episode today.
I dreamt that I was trying to get Adam to admit that he had made a
mistake in refusing the suggestion of Fitz and I to use a particular
software package for a project that would have saved us and the client 
time, money and frustration.  But no matter what I said, I was wrong
and then Craig chimed in with condescending and disparaging remarks to 
the effect that I had no clue what I was talking about even though the 
documentation for the software I wanted to use supported me. 

Either this really happened or I had a particularly severe case of
food coma today.  But Karl was there and Fitz was there with Toto too.
In any case, I learned that one should never get involved in a land
war in Asia.  Also, one should never try to talk sense to Adam and
Craig because they are so fucking full of themselves and their
abilities that they will never admit they are wrong.  Also, I learned
that it just does not matter what you say at onShore.  It will be
ignored.  If you are not in the inner circle, you can say the sky is
blue because of nitrogen and the refraction of light from the sun, but
you might as well be fucking yourself in the ear with a carrot,
because they will look at you the same way.

                          -Lefty
\end{verbatim}
\vspace{0.1in}
\hrule
\vspace{0.1in}
\end{samepage}

\begin{samepage}
\begin{verbatim}

"Lee P. W. Burgess" <lefty@red-bean.com> writes:
> Hey Mister Xmodmap guru, 
> 
> It appears that JWZ is even more of an xmodmap guru than you:
>
> apt-get install xkeycaps
> 
> Voila!  A beautiful X interface to xmodmap.
> 
> It even has my Kinesis keyboard.  It does not have a Maltron, but if
> you send him the default keymappings, he will add them to the
> program.  
> 
> Check it out!

FUCK YOU, CLOWN.

Goddamnit, I'm sick and tired of hearing about JWZ.  Just because he's
the Ultimate Hacker, a senior developer on some of the largest and
most famous projects of our time (XEmacs, Netscape...) and has written
hundreds of cool little hacks in his spare time, many of which I use
myself (BBDB, xscreensaver...), and writes entertainingly and
hilariously about various episodes in his life, and has become famous
enough to be referred to only by his initials on Slashdot, and had the
foresight to register a domain for those very same initials years ago,
and is kind of cute, and probably has women swooning over him, and has
a penis twice the size of mine, DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM IN ANY WAY
JEALOUS OF HIS ABILITIES, HIS POSITIION, OR HIS PENIS!

                       AIYEEEEE!!!  

So your insidious comparison of him with me as pointless as it is
unwelcome, SIR.  [YES, SIR!]  So *what* if he's more of an xmodmap
guru than I am, and has a penis twice the size of mine?  That DOES NOT
MAKE HIM A BETTER PERSON, even if he does have a BETTER PENIS!

   PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS!!!

THIS IS ***NOT*** ABOUT PENISES!  It is about a thing called
"HAPPINESS".  You may have heard about this thing.  JWZ certainly has,
just ask him.  Happiness is a thing which, ... which... ... I am at a
loss for words.  Let me just say that it is a thing thing which, when
pronounced by someone with a strong French accent, sounds a lot like
"A PENIS".

HAH!  I'll bet you didn't see *THAT* coming, did you?  JWZ certainly
would have.  If would ever deign to read my mail, that is.  Which he
wouldn't, I KNOW.  But he read YOUR mail once, didn't he?  And he
responded, too!  Ohh, WOO WOO WOO!  Aren't _WE_ speeeecial!  That's
what this is all about, isn't it?  Jamie Zawinski responded to your
mail, that one time, and now he has replaced me in your affections.
That's it, isn't it?  ***ISN'T IT***???

But it DOESN'T MATTER, because I have

                    HAPPINESS

and that's all anyone needs!

+thud+,
-Karl
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